Fan Hocks A Loogie From The Upper Level, Lands In Manchester United Player’s Mouth

This score was far more impressive than anything else that happened in soccer this week.

As Manchester United player Ashley Young yelled instructions to his teammates during yesterday’s game, his jaw opened just wide enough for what looks like bird poop to enter his mouth.

Unfortunately, we’ve been told that it couldn’t have been bird poop. Yahoo Sports’ team of expert scientists had this for us:

Some people have suggested that rather than spit, it was a nugget of falling bird poo that actually found its way into Young’s mouth.

Clearly, this is a very important distinction since animal poo, while equally disgusting, is disgusting in a slightly different way to human saliva.

However, after consulting several ornithological reference guides we can conclusively state that bird poo is actually brown in colour as it falls through the air – and only takes on its distinctive white look once it has landed and dried.

That, in tandem with the relatively low speed and 60-degree angle of whatever fell in Young’s mouth, strongly suggests that the foreign substance entering the winger’s oral cavity was indeed a lump of gob rather than a lump of poo.

However, not all the fun has been taken out of it. Despite it not being bird poop, our video evidence and expert analysis conclude that the glob was actually a loogie spat by a fan in the upper deck, or at least we hope so. Check out this hilariously disgusting vine.